Although I started this article thinking about happiness, I realise that it is an unjust demand from our society to be constantly happy and I might be misinterpreted. So I made some corrections to the blog post. What you currently see is the revision of that. I wanted to talk about missing out on the joy of life and how this might be alerting us to something deeper that we need to pay attention to. Please see if the following makes any sense to you and let me know by sending me a message if something is not right so I can revisit it and think it over!
It is not an uncommon experience finding out at some point in life that one is missing out on joy and feels an emptiness inside even though everything seems to be going relatively OK. It is easy to miss how something might not be going very well if you are not looking for it. Of course, I don’t mean here that we need to worry if we aren’t with a constant smile on our face. Happiness is only a sentiment and is defined by its polar opposite – sadness. We would not be able to experience one without the other. That being said, joy needs to be part of our life at least partially. If not, something might be wrong and we may need to devote time and energy on what is going inside ourselves or with our mental health.
People seem to need contact as one major common denominator. And meaningful contact at that. However, due to certain social circumstances and how life has been construed or thought of over the centuries, it seems that meaningful contact might be more difficult to get than one might expect. Some people seem to live in their own bubbles or within their own worlds and minds and sometimes miss what is going on around them – this whole thing called “my life” feels like a movie. It is as if we fail to be the hero in the movie of our life, to put it in another way.
What happens then? I might continue going here and there, making important decisions that affect my life and the life of others, take care of work, family and home but something in me still feels that is missing out on what life is all about. And this part of me is starving (and rightly so).
How can someone arrive at this point in their life? And what are the most common things that might happen from then on? And how are they supposed to move on? These are the three questions that we will try to answer briefly below.
How does someone arrive at this point in life of not being happy even though everything seems to be going pretty OK?
Well, there are a lot of roads leading to that apparently in terms of context. What these roads seem to have in common though is lack of meaningful contact (I don’t let my real self or what I think be seen because I think that this part of me will be rejected). This accumulates and adds up in what ultimately ends up being “superficial” contact – and I say this without passing any judgement. It might be something there that we are not discussing – and sometimes we are not even that clear on what that is.
What are the most common things that can happen at this point?
It really depends on the individual – doesn’t it. It seems that sensitive people are alarmed by the fact that joy might be missing even though everything seems OK, and they might ask for help or support from a professional. Others might ask friends and family for advice and suggestions by opening up to find some help on their dilemmas. Self-help books might start providing some answers.
Others who might have a greater difficulty in asking for help or reaching out might need something more radical to be pushed to change (and I mean by life and not by another human being here since contact suffers). What this looks like is usually some kind of crisis. A relationship gone wrong or a significant loss might lead someone to look for answers and the excuse they need for asking for help. And there are some people who will keep this to themselves whatever might happen because internal pain might be too great. I can only say that however difficult, taking the first step and asking for support might be the greatest gift someone can offer to him- or herself and a big step towards the healing process.
How are they supposed to move on?
Asking for support will usually do the trick. Counselling or psychotherapy by a properly qualified professional is a good way to go. Or coaching might be helpful by setting the goal of finding joy or however you would like to formulate this goal.
In all cases, you might need to reflect on what is stopping you from having joy in your life and to take some remedial actions for bringing it back. You might also become aware of other things that are currently missing – for example, a spiritual or philosophical aspect of life; Or creating and maintaining meaningful contacts; Or finding out who you are and revealing that to others.
Whatever the case may be, I am here if you need support when you notice that you are missing the joy in life even though everything seems OK. Lift the lid of what might be out of place by contacting me for an appointment. I am here in order to help you bring more clarity to what might be blocking your road to enjoying life and to wholeness.
