My Approach

How I approach change

People usually come to psychotherapy or coaching because something in their life no longer works as it once did, or because they sense that another way of living may be possible. Sometimes, they initially want to change a particular situation and gradually discover that this also involves how they understand themselves, respond or relate. I do not assume in advance what the change should be. We begin by becoming curious about what has brought you to this point.

At times, we can become enclosed within our own experience, circling familiar thoughts and trying to find every answer from within the same point of view. Crossing the threshold into a first session and asking for help is therefore more than arranging an appointment. It is a movement towards another person: a willingness to let someone else enter our world and allow their presence to matter. To me, it carries a quiet recognition: “I do not have to be everything to myself.” When we allow ourselves to be met, affected and sometimes surprised by another, something new can begin to emerge – not only within us, but in the encounter between us.

This is one reason Martin Buber’s idea that we become an “I” through a “Thou” has stayed with me. I understand it to mean that we become more fully ourselves through genuine encounter. This is not merely a theory I value; it is something I have witnessed in my work and experienced in my own life.

So how does change happen?

Several connected ideas about change shape the way I work:

Change is always taking place, even during periods when we experience ourselves as stuck.
Sometimes movement begins by standing still: pausing our efforts to become different and attending closely to what is already here.
Heraclitus’s image of the river reminds us that we cannot step into exactly the same river twice. Life continues to move, and we are changed by what we encounter.

One of the Gestalt ideas that brings these thoughts together for me is Arnold Beisser’s paradoxical theory of change: meaningful change becomes possible when we encounter more fully who and how we are, rather than forcing ourselves to become who we think we should be. We need firm ground from which to move, and that ground is our present experience.

This means that I do not see my role as changing you from the outside or deciding who you ought to become. Instead, we slow down and stay close to what is present – your thoughts, emotions, bodily responses, relationships and circumstances – and meet it with honesty and compassion rather than judgement. We notice what is already changing, what remains stuck and what new possibilities begin to emerge. Acceptance does not mean approval, resignation or remaining unchanged; it means seeing ourselves and our situation clearly enough for a different response to become possible.

Within this kind of relational attention, patterns that once protected us but may now keep us stuck can become more visible. Avoiding, fighting, withdrawing or giving in are not defects to be stripped away; they are ways we have learned to manage difficult experiences. When we understand what these patterns have been doing for us, energy can become available for something new.

None of us can see ourselves completely from the inside. I offer my presence, perspective and honest responses – not to change you from the outside, but to meet you while change begins to take shape.

What matters to me in this work?

Respect comes first. I will not assume that I know better than you where our work should go or how quickly. I may invite you to look more closely at something, offer a challenge or share what I notice, while also paying attention to how you respond. You can tell me that something doesn’t fit, when you would prefer to pause or when I have misunderstood you. Your response becomes part of the co-created dialogue and helps us consider together how to proceed.

Confidentiality is an essential part of a respectful and trustworthy working relationship. What you share with me is treated as confidential. As part of ethical professional practice, I discuss aspects of my work with a qualified supervisor. I share only what is necessary for professional reflection, removing identifying details wherever possible. My supervisor is also bound by confidentiality.

Confidentiality has limited exceptions. I may need to disclose information if there is a serious risk of harm to you or another person, if a safeguarding concern arises, or if disclosure is required by law. Wherever possible and appropriate, I would discuss this with you first. We will consider the scope and limits of confidentiality more fully when agreeing how we will work together.

Openness is the final value I want to name here. I do not want to meet you through a fixed theory of who you are or assume that I already know what your experience means. I aim to listen, to remain open to being affected by what happens between us, and to offer my perspective honestly when I believe it may support healing, development or learning.

If this way of working speaks to you, you can request a first session through the booking page.

Alternatively, you are welcome to contact me if you would like to ask a question first.