This is a composite vignette created from recurring themes in my work. It does not describe any one client. Personal circumstances, biographical details and the sequence of the work have been changed or omitted. Its purpose is to illustrate how I work, rather than to report a particular person’s story or promise a particular outcome.
Finding one’s voice is not about performing a more impressive version of oneself. For some people, it means noticing what keeps their abilities, intentions and differences in the background-and allowing what is already there to come forward and shine.
In this composite vignette, a person comes to coaching after repeatedly progressing through recruitment processes without receiving an offer. They know that their qualifications and experience are strong enough to secure interviews, but something seems to change when they have to communicate their value directly. Their initial goal is clear: to present themselves more convincingly and secure a role they genuinely want.
Rather than beginning with assumptions about why the interviews have been unsuccessful, we explore the meanings the person is making of these experiences. What do they imagine the interviewers are seeing? What do they believe is going wrong? What conclusions have they begun to draw about themselves?
An important part of the work involves mock interviews. I take the role of the interviewer, ask realistic questions and offer immediate feedback on how their responses reach me. We consider not only the content of each answer but also how it is communicated: their voice, pace, bodily presence, use of language and capacity to remain connected while speaking about themselves.
I might notice that an answer contains evidence of considerable ability, yet the person becomes quieter while delivering it, qualifies what they have achieved or quickly moves attention towards other people’s contributions. I describe the impact this has on me and ask whether it corresponds with what they intended to communicate.
My response is not presented as an objective verdict about how every interviewer would perceive them. Another person might respond differently. I use my own experience as information that we can examine together: “This is what reached me when you answered in that way. Is that what you wanted me to understand?”
This creates an opportunity for experimentation. The person can give the answer again, this time noticing where they withdraw their energy, minimise their contribution or lose contact with the listener. We can then explore what changes when they allow their experience and abilities to remain more fully present.
In Gestalt terms, some of this can be understood as retroflection: energy that could move outwards into contact is turned back upon the self. The person wants to express confidence and influence the interview, yet holds part of themselves back. What may appear to be “self-sabotage” is often a creative adjustment that once helped them preserve relationships, avoid criticism or remain acceptable within an important environment.
We also explore the internalised messages—or introjects—that shape how they believe they should behave. These might include: “I must not boast,” “I should not take up too much space,” “I need to put other people first,” or “Expressing disagreement will disrupt the relationship.” Family, cultural and gendered expectations can all contribute to such messages.
Gestalt work does not require us simply to reject everything we have inherited. Instead, we “chew over” these messages: considering which parts remain valuable and which no longer support us. Respecting other people may still matter deeply, for example, without requiring someone to diminish their abilities or conceal what they genuinely want.
The aim is not to teach the person to dominate the room, manufacture confidence or perform a false version of themselves. It is to help them meet the interviewer at the contact boundary: responsive to the other person without becoming lost in their expectations, and able to express difference without withdrawing or becoming combative.
During the period represented by this vignette, the person secures a role they want. We pause and review our contract: the original coaching goal has been achieved, so what—if anything—do they now want from the work?
They choose to continue for a further period because the experiments have revealed something broader than interview technique. The same tendency to hold themselves back appears in other professional and personal relationships. They sometimes avoid speaking their mind, prioritise harmony over difference and attend so carefully to other people’s needs that their own position becomes difficult to find.
Further coaching therefore focuses on finding a more balanced way of being in relationship. Giving greater priority to oneself does not mean disregarding others or becoming self-centred. It means including oneself among the people whose needs, preferences and boundaries deserve consideration.
Live feedback remains central to this work. I continue to share what I notice, invite the person to examine the effect of their presence and explore whether that effect matches their intention. At times, I may recognise a strength, clarity or authority that they have difficulty seeing in themselves. At other times, I may challenge how quickly they disappear from an interaction or surrender their position to preserve harmony.
Gradually, the person may become more able to speak about their contribution without apology, tolerate the visibility that accompanies confidence and remain connected when differences arise. Finding a voice does not mean becoming louder. It means allowing more of oneself to enter the relationship.
Securing the role is an important outcome, but it is not the only movement represented here. The deeper development lies in discovering that professional presence does not have to be purchased through self-erasure—and that it is possible to influence others while remaining respectful, relational and fully oneself.
