Have you ever thought that ‘if only you could fit in with others… your problems might just go away?’

Perhaps it is because you are so different that the world seems such a strange place. If you could make yourself different somehow, people would love you more, appreciate you more or admire you more. Or they might not be on your case all the time. Whatever the reason, it seems that we are constantly trying to adapt ourselves to social norms for one reason or the other.

Why is adapting ourselves ‘bad’?

Well, adapting ourselves is not bad. We need to be flexible to be able to be ourselves and actually our core is flexible and flowing. The problem is quite the opposite. We are rigid in how we see things and situations in boxes and then try to fit ourselves in them.

How do we try to fit ourselves into boxes?

It all starts with simple ‘agreements’ we make at an early age which stem from how we internalise specific messages like:

  • Don’t be angry
  • Angry people are pathetic
  • Being angry is petty
  • What a nice beautiful girl
  • Boys don’t cry
  • What a happy child! Good boy/girl!
  • Nobody will want to play with you if you are like that.
  • You are such a bad boy!

These messages affect all of us and especially children. Children are very susceptible to such messages. They think that they need to alter their behaviour, because if they are ‘bad’, they will be rejected and abandoned. Thus, they need to ‘fit in’. And that is where it all starts.

Do I need then to constantly do what I please?

Of course not! Other people are there with you! It is not OK to step onto other people’s feet… But from moderating or managing our behaviour, to suppressing and repressing ourselves, there’s a huge gap.

So how do you repress or suppress yourself? When is moderation needed and where is more flow needed in your life?

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