Why don’t (good) coaches tell you what to do?

This question comes natural. I can almost hear you at the back of my head screaming “but I just want somebody to tell me what to do!”

Well, that is NOT how coaching works and for very good reasons.

1. What would you do if someone advised you to invest your money and this proved to be bad advice? Would you ask them for your money back?
2. Secondly and more importantly, who knows how to lead your own life better than yourself?

I can hear the rebuttal loud and clear too. “Well, if I don’t need someone to tell me what to do, then what do I need a coach for?”

Excellent question! Let me get on with that…

What do I need a coach for?

Let me start by saying what you don’t need a coach for.

1. Tell you what to do.
2. Take the responsibility of leading your life from you.
3. Allow to get away with excuses and procrastination.

You see, if we were able to do what we set out to do in the best possible way, that would be ideal. However, we can always learn from others, especially from those having trained in actively listening to you and understanding some things that might be less visible to you as you are being caught up in the “daily rat race” doing “business-as-usual”.

So what would I need a coach for?

1. To explore what you are currently doing
2. To see if this is indeed the right course of action or the best performance you can have
3. To allow you to see things that might be less visible to you
4. To support you by being present to the difficulties you are facing
5. To celebrate your wins with you
6. To challenge you when you are trying to get away with something that ultimately does not serve you.

I am a visual learner. Can you explain it with a graphic?

Sure! Look below… This is the infamous iceberg model that helps explain both human behaviour and what takes place in organisation. Unfortunately only an estimate of 15% of what we know and can see about ourselves is available to us. That leaves a great deal in the subconscious or unconscious that might be difficult to deal with and which influences what we choose to do.

An easy example of how this works. I want to implement a change (i.e. be more assertive in my life) but I find it impossible to do. I know all the benefits I will have, I have thought out a plan of action, I have taken steps, but something in me is resisting change. That happens because we all have biases, long-held beliefs, blind spots, resistances to change, automatic pilots, and our daily routines that are not easily broken.

Which means, a coach would come in handy. To help you explore what might be out of sight and NOT to tell you what to do.

What do you think? Does this make sense to you? I will be delighted to hear your thoughts and comments.